Ready

Rating : 4/10
Release Date : 3rd June, 2011
Time : 140 minutes
Director : Anees Bazmee; Writer : Salim Khan; Music : Pritam, Devi Shri Prasad
Starring : Salman Khan. Special Appearances by the rest of the cast, including Asin, Arya Babbar, Paresh Rawal, Mahesh Manjrekar, Puneet Issar, Manoj Joshi, Manoj Pahwa, Anooradha Patel, Akhilendra Mishra

This is several notches below Dabangg & about par with the crass, loud stuff that passes in the name of comedy today. It could almost be called the Salman show as he plays to the gallery, beats the baddies and loves the ladies.


The plot, for what its worth, has Salman as the spoilt brat, with his entire (wealthy) family wants to now get married in the vain hope that he will settle down. The guru maharaj suggests someone, Asin opportunistically arrives in her place (as she’s fleeing some baddies) and proceeds to win over the entire family. Salman soon finds out that she’s an impostor but by then its too late as he’s also fallen for her. The afore mentioned baddies arrive, some of whom get beaten and the rest cajoled just in time for the happy ending.



Salman wisecracks, removes his shirt, talks to the camera, does some fancy stunts, drives very fancy cars and behaves like someone on a high, in both reel and real life. Asin may have inveigled herself back into Bollywood with some of her dresses. The rest of the family tries to make up for their limited screen time (there are quite a few of them) by going for higher decibels.



Most of the audience laughed in all the right places for most of the film. Their sense of humour and mine clearly don’t match.

Patiala House

Rating : 2/10
Release Date : 11th February, 2011
Time : 147 minutes
Director & Writer : Nikhil Advani; Co-writer : Anvita Dutt; Music : Shankar, Ehsaan Loy
Starring : Akshay Kumar, Anushka, Rishi Kapoor, Dimple, Armaan Kirmani, Prem Chopra, Soni Razdan, Tinu Anand, Hard Kaur, Jeneva Talwar

Tripe, balderdash and poppycock

This is about a promising cricketer (Akshay), an Indian origin British citizen, who is told by his autocratic father (Rishi) that he cannot play for England. This is about him leading the next 17 years with a face as long as a cricket bat, working in a convenience store set up for him by the same father. This is about some ten other assorted characters who are forced by the same father to do what he wants them to do rather than what they wish for, but funnily enough they don’t blame themselves for not standing up but blame Akshay instead. And all this changes once Anushka enters their lives and the England team lies in tatters.

This is a film steeped in melodrama. Violins play in the background at every opportunity. Rivers of glycerine flow at the drop of a hat. Every occasion is filled with pathos, no frame seems complete until someone is not shown to be sad, morose or oppressed.



This is also a film steeped in illogicality. Why, if his Dad is so adamant about him not playing for England, is he not able to play for India ? Or at least the counties ? Many people make a career out of just that. If someone hasn’t played competitively for 17 years and is aged 34, what odds would you offer for him to be selected ? Could you imagine someone playing for the national side and yet keeping it a secret from his father ? And how come papa ka ladla isnt married (at 34) when is father happily goes around fixing other people's marriages ?

And then there are other questions I would beg to ask. Why should I, as an Indian, cheer for someone who wants to play in an England shirt ? Even more, why should I, as an audience, feel anything, any sympathy or sense of camaraderie with a person who clearly lived 17 years of his life without a backbone, became the butt of his relatives jokes, lived with drooping shoulders and a face to match ? Why should I care about him ?

Its no surprise then that nothing excites, not the songs (which aren’t that great) nor the cricket (very clichéd coverage) nor any of the side characters. The few moments of fun in the second half come when they’re trying to keep his selection a secret from the Dad, but that lasts barely 5 minutes.


Dimple is wasted. Anushka and Akshay have zero chemistry. Rishi looks the part. The rest are ok



The movie is made with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. It is clichéd in every aspect and lacks body and soul. Found it very difficult to sit through and am going to probably have to watch another one tonight just to get this out of my head.